From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Fri, 30 Jul 1999 15:47:30 -0500
Subject: Mulder's Pet 'Pede II by Adrienne
Source: direct

Reply To: davephile@yahoo.com


Title: Mulder's Pet 'Pede II: Evil Doth the Pede 
Author: Adrienne < davephile@yahoo.com >
Keywords: MSR, Humor, Fowley hate
Classification: TH
Rated R
Summary: 'Pede falls into the clutches of Diana Fowley 
and Mulder and Scully must rescue it before its too late.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine but his 'pede sure is.
Author's notes: This story is a complete and utter joke. It is 
dedicated to the AFML, especially Carrie.  You should read Mulder's 
Pet Pede part 1 before this one.  For more of my fics, go to http://members.dencity.com/general_store.
Author's notes: I'd like to give a shout out "TRUTH HAI!!!" to my 
Fowley hatin' friends at the AFML.  I love you guys and this is 
for you.

Chapter I: Awakening
   Scully opened her eyes to the dim rays of early morning 
sunlight slicing through the Venetian blinds. She sighed softly, 
laying on her side, and watched the dust float through the air.
   It wasn't long until she felt something warm and hard against 
the small of her back. She gasped softly, feeling it slide against 
her, throbbing slightly. Running a hand down her side, she reached 
around and grabbed it, feeling it pulsate in her hand as she 
stroked it. Mulder was still sleeping, but obviously something 
of his had other ideas. She could feel it trembling under her 
palm as she squeezed gently, her fingers circling around it, 
wandering over its length.
   "Good morning, 'pede," she whispered.
   "Mmmmmmm..." she heard Mulder moan, as she stroked it more. 
"What are you doing, sweetie."
   "Oh, nothing," Scully replied, squeezing a little harder. 
Mulder sighed softly and moved closer to her, pressing his upper 
body against her back. 
   "Woah...what's...ohhhhh, 'pede!" he sighed, feeling it between 
them. It was lodged against Scully's lower back. What a naughty 
centipede. He guessed that it couldn't help its overwhelming desire 
to be around Scully; it was in its nature. "This 'pede is getting 
so hard... to control these days."
   "It's because you're always around me, Mulder," Scully answered, 
lightly tracing her fingers over it. Mulder nibbled on the back 
of her neck and exhaled slowly.
   "I guess that's it," he murmured, running a hand down her side. 
   The centipede, not happy at this gesture by Mulder, promptly spit 
Truth juice on Scully's back and Mulder's hand.
   "Oh shit," Mulder groaned, removing his hand and wiping it on 
the sheet. 
   "Oh, Mulder," Scully laughed, feeling the sticky hot Truth 
juice drip down her back. "I know that sometimes it just can't 
be helped. I kinda like the way it feels."
   "Not too much, I hope," he countered, putting his lips back 
on her neck.
   "Nah..." 
   The centipede, in a jealous rage, shot up to Scully's neck 
and squirted Truth juice right in Mulder's eye. 
   "You little fu-"
   The centipede sped away, down in between the sheets and over 
the bottom of the bed to the floor. Mulder wiped out his eyes. 
"I hate it when it does that. That stuff tastes so nasty."
   "Tell me about it," Scully said, grinning. "But there's 
something about it that's so...erotic," she added, turning 
around and licking the Truth juice off of his cheek.
   "Oh yeah baby," he muttered, putting an arm around her and 
kissing her hard.
   "What about the 'pede?" Scully whispered between kisses.
   "To hell with the 'pede, I need to have you right now, right 
here," he murmured against her lips. She wrapped her arms around 
his neck and kissed him back, sighing softly.
   Little did they know the centipede could hear, and had started 
to pack his little centipede bags dejectedly...
   He wrote a little 'Pede Doe note, spit some Truth juice up on 
it, and shot under the apartment door, which was a tight squeeze 
for its mighty length and girth. 
   It would find a new owner, one who would play with him more, 
appreciate him for what he truly was.
   The 'pede was free at last.

Chapter II: Into the Hands of Evil
   Diana Fowley walked out of the corner convenience store and 
put her hand in her pocket, feeling the small amount of change 
she had gotten as tips for the night. It was hard to find a 
night job in Washington D.C. that involved being a slut, but she 
had found one; the whore found in the rear of the Kum and Go.
   Her clientelle were mostly toothless men on welfare and escaped 
convicts who hadn't seen a woman in months and wouldn't know the 
difference between Diana and a real piece. They would come in 
late at night, come, and leave.
   It made her feel full inside, full of...pride in herself for 
doing this favor for those less fortunate.
   However, she didn't make much money; it was hardly enough to 
pay C.G.B. for the crack that he supplied her. But she would find 
some way to pay him. She always did.
   She walked down the street, staring at the ground and laughing 
about the great time she just had whoring herself when all of 
the sudden she saw a sight she hadn't seen for several, several 
years.
   It was a two-foot long centipede.
   But not just any centipede.
   It was Mulder's Pet 'Pede.
   Diana's breath caught in her throat as she felt a chill of 
arousal go down her body. The centipede stopped dead in its 
tracks and looked up at her.
   "'Pede...where have you been..." she breathed, caressing 
her own dirty bodily-fluid-smeared face. "It's been so long 
since I've seen you."
   The centipede reared back on its hind legs and hissed.
   "Oh, don't you remember me? I'm Diana. I used to play with
 you all the time," she whispered, bending down over it. "You 
used to love me like a real woman. Don't you remember?"
   It hissed again and spat a copious amount of Truth juice 
in her face.
   She moaned, licking her lips and smearing it down her neck, 
and all over her skin. "I really missed that, 'pede, that 
tasty warm Truth juice of yours..."
   The centipede, visibly shaken by her reaction to its only 
defense, backed away.
   "Oh no, don't leave," Diana warned. "You won't ever leave 
me again."
   With that, her hands darted down and grabbed the centipede, 
one hand squeezing tightly around its head and the other at 
its end, so it could not whip her.
   The centipede thrashed and hissed and spat, but nothing 
worked. It convulsed violently in her hands as she walked away, 
whispering to it.
   "Just you and me, 'pede, that's all we need."

Chapter III: Realization
   Mulder groaned, rolling off of Scully at last, totally spent. 
Their sweaty bodies lay atop his comforter as they listened 
to their labored breathing.
   "Mulder...that was incredible," Scully murmured, putting her 
hand on his chest and playing with his hair.
   "Was it?" he asked, egging her on for some ego attention.
   "The complete Truth." She kissed his arm and his side as he 
pulled her over to him for the post-coital embrace.
   "It was good for me too, baby," he answered, looking around. 
"I wonder where 'pede went."
   Scully pressed her lips against his again. "Mmmmm...I don't 
know."
   He rolled away quickly, causing her to fall flat on the bed 
with in a *foof* of air and sheets. Standing, he looked more 
frantically around the room.
   "Honey," she said as she regained her breath, "I'm sure that 
he's around here somewhere, moping around all limp because he 
didn't get any attention."
   "I don't think so."
   Mulder ran through the apartment naked, frantically searching 
for his centipede. Scully watched with amusement. However, after 
he jogged completely around the rooms and came back, the look 
of horror on his face replaced her pleasure with concern.
   "He's gone."
   "Not again..."
   "Scully, he's gone," Mulder moaned, falling back against 
the door frame, putting his head in his hands.
   "That damned 'pede is always getting out. Why don't you put 
a leash on that thing!"
   "It needs to have freedom. I don't want to restrict it, that's 
not healthy. Some doctors say that inhibits its Truth juice 
production."
   "Dammit, Mulder," she groaned, rolling off the bed and 
pulling her panties and pants from the night before over her 
legs. 
   "I don't know what to do, Scully," he whimpered, cowering 
in the doorway.
   "Get your clothes on," she demanded as she picked up her 
bra, "we're gonna find your wild 'pede and teach him, once 
and for all, that it's not idea to creep around."

Chapter IV: Dispicable Intentions
   The centipede was very exhausted by the time he arrived 
at Diana's apartment. He had twitched until his taut muscles 
were strained; he now lay limp in the clammy hands of his 
captor. Diana knocked on the door with her head because she 
didn't want to let the centipede escaped her hands.
   "Who is it?" a harsh, dull voice from inside demanded.
   "Diana. Sweetie, open the door."
   The door swung open, and there was a man on the other side.
 A man that the centipede automatically recognized. Fear 
pulsed through its main vein like a shot of electricity, sending 
tingles over it.
   "Good morning, Cheatin' Bastard," Diana crooned, kissing him 
hard and sloppily. He kissed back, the drool dripping on top 
of the centipede, who spit Truth juice on the front of Bastard's 
pants as a response.
   "Ooooops..." Bastard moaned, looking down. "Look what you 
made me do."
   "That wasn't you, silly," Diana laughed, "it couldn't be, 
you don't have a penis remember?"
    He stared at her. "Yeah. I think I remember that." 
   He looked down into Diana's hands and backed away, emitting 
a high pitched shrill scream. "Why the hell do you have that 
thing!!"
   "Oh, honey, it's a 'pede, just like I used to play with, 
back in the days," Diana explained haughtily. "It's mine 
again. All mine. ALL MINE."
   "I will not have that sonofabitch 'pede in my house."
   "It's not your house, dear, it's my low rent government 
supplied housing facility," Diana retorted.
   Bastard snorted, his nose running green and clear. "Do you 
know what that thing did to me, Diana? It took my manhood. It 
made me an un-whole person."
   "Your manhood would never match up to this," she sighed, 
stroking the length of the centipede.
   Cheatin' Bastard looked around. "Where the hell are you 
going to keep it?"
Diana smiled. "Oh, It's going to sleep with me tonight."
   The 'pede fainted.

Chapter V: Kum and Go
   "You'd think that with a 'pede of that size, someone would 
have noticed it coming down the street," Scully sighed, her 
hands on her hips.
   "A lot of people don't want to believe. They don't want to 
believe that a 'pede could be that big. Men want to be like it, 
women want to be with it. But they are in a state of denial that 
something of that caliber could exist," Mulder explained, as 
Scully rolled her eyes.
   "Haven't we seen one this big on Wild Discovery before?"
   "Never. Mine is the largest I've ever seen. That's the Truth."
   "Yes, it is," Scully murmured, closing her eyes and 
thinking about the 'pede. How it could make her feel so full 
inside...an indescribable feeling of completeness. How simply 
stroking it could calm every single nerve in her body, feeling 
it throb beneath the pads of her fingers. How it made her wet, 
with its Truth juice, how it slid over her skin cautiously but 
with one sacred ultimate destination...
   "Oh god..." Scully moaned.
   "What??" Mulder asked, looking at her. She blushed and realized 
that she had been daydreaming. 
   "Nothing. Mulder, there's no reason to panic." Scully walked
 up to him and put her hand on his cheek.
   "Well you've never seen me panic. When I panic I make this 
face." Mulder widened his eyes and dropped his jaw as if he 
were screaming.
   "That was the face."
   "You didn't see that face." Mulder began to walk away. 
   "I saw that face." Scully followed him, the click clack of 
her shoes on the cement loud on the silent street.
   "When?" He turned to face her, biting his lip.
   "Just now."
   "That was for demonstration purposes only."
   "I still saw it."
   Mulder looked into her eyes. "What...what was the point of 
this again?"
   Scully stared at him. "I don't know. Let's just find your 
damned 'pede."
   The wily Special Agents walked down the street, looking over
 the ground for any single piece of evidence that may lead them 
to the 'pede. They walked down to the corner gas station, which 
Mulder always laughed at when he passed it. 
   "What?" Scully asked as he giggled softly.
   "The...the name of this gas station," Mulder whispered, nudging 
her with an elbow. Scully looked up sighing, and read the sign 
outloud.
   "Kum and Go."
   Mulder burst out into laughter.
   Scully raised her eyebrow, half a smile erupting. "Mulder..."
   Then she was rolling. Two agents of the FBI cracking up in 
a juvenile example of slang gone wrong. She had no idea why it
 was so damn funny but they stood against the gas pumps, laughing 
so hard that Scully thought she was going to pee her pants.
   The manager of the gas station came out and looked at them 
furiously. "What's going on here?"
   Mulder whipped out his badge. "FBI. Have you seen this 'pede?" 
he asked, stifling his laughter. There was a picture of Scully 
and his 'pede below his badge. He always kept it there to remind 
him of what he lived for. Scully and his 'pede together in a 
heartening embrace...
   Mulder snapped his badge shut again when he realized that 
Scully had been naked in the picture. She didn't notice that 
the manager was now looking at her very lustfully. She was too 
busy drying her eyes from laughing so hard.
   "Yes, I saw that 'pede not an hour ago. What's it to ya?" 
The manager scratched his belly.
   "It's mine and we have to find it," Mulder explained. 
   "Well maybe I didn't see it," the manager answered, yawning. 
Scully walked over to them, her eyes quizzical.
   "I thought you just said you did," she said, looking him in
 the eyes.
   "I may have."
   "Well I suggest you tell us where he was, who you saw him 
with," she replied, her voice taking on a slightly threatening 
tone.
   "Maybe I will, maybe I won't," the manager laughed, eyeing her 
like a piece of meat. "Depends on how desparate you are to get to 
it."
   "I'm very desparate," Scully said, smiling softly. "So desparate 
that..."
   "That wha-"
   Scully twirled around and gave the manager a swift Scully kick 
to the head. "TRUTH HAI!!!" she screamed, as he fell to the ground. 
She jumped up and down, backing up to kick him again.
   "I give up! Don't hurt me," the manager cried, clutching his 
head. Mulder, his eyes bewildered, watched her as she grabbed 
the man by the collar and pushed him against the gas pump.
   "Where is it!"
   "She took it." The manager cringed.
   "Who is *she*?"
   "HERRRRRRRR!!!!" he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. 
"The whore!!"
Mulder and Scully both looked at each other. The connection 
had been made. There was only one whore in this city skanky 
enough to hang around Kum and Go gas stations. Only one whore 
evil enough to kidnap the 'pede. Only one whore...
   "Diana," they both muttered. Scully slapped the manager 
across the face before they ran off down the block, Mulder 
in the lead with Scully not far behind.

Chapter VI: Viagra-iffic
   Diana had taken the 'pede into her bedroom and locked 
the door so that Cheatin' Bastard couldn't get in. Frankly, 
she thought he was a sleazeball, only using him for the little 
income that he could spare while working the swing shift at 
the dildo factory. She knew he hated that job more than 
anything in this world; it made him jealous and self-loathing, 
doing the quality check for replicas of the one thing he had 
lost so suddenly in the youth of his life. Diana couldn't 
imagine a worser fate. But it was the only job he could get, 
being the ugly ass mother that he was.
   But now she had 'pede, her long, muscular, fulfilling 'pede. 
And it was all hers for the taking. She sat down on the bed, 
humming an old tune from when she was in high school--Feel like 
makin' love...feel like makin' love--and held it in her lap, 
lifting it to her lips to kiss it once.
   The 'pede, exhausted slightly from its fight with her, managed 
to twitch yet again in her hands. It was awfully limp, she thought. 
How was she supposed to have any fun if it wouldn't cooperate?
   Then she got an idea. A very wicked idea. She opened her 
purse, finding a small vial she only used at the Kum and Go when 
she got the really old tricks, the ones who wanted sex and 
couldn't get it up. It was her handy illegally-obtained prescription 
drug that she got by routinely raiding Father Spender's 
drawers. The wonder remedy that even she popped when she felt 
like she needed it.
   "Ahhhh, Bob Dole, I'd love to do ya," she sighed, smiling 
as she popped open the vial. She picked up one tiny pill 
and held it between two fingers, reading the etched drug name 
through the white powder covering it.
   "Viagra."

Chapter VII: Seek and Destroy
   "Diana Fowley lives in a low rent government housing 
authority. She never was one with good financial sense. 
Always wasting her money on Sno Balls and Twinkies." Mulder 
and Scully were panting as the stood outside her apartment 
building, both bent over slightly.
   "Sno Balls, Mulder?"
   Mulder glanced up into her eyes. "The kind you can BUY."
   "I see," she answered with a small smile, turning to 
the building. "The dark gothic manor, the uh... omnipresent 
low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth. Wait... is that 
a hound I hear baying out on the Moors?"
   A beat. "No...that's just Diana moaning."
   They both looked at each other in horror and ran through 
the door of the building.
   Mulder and Scully ran up the stairs and found the 
apartment rather quickly, because it was the one where all 
the rats were running as well. Mulder ran at the door and smashed 
it in with his shoulder. "Cheap government plywood," he commented 
as they pushed inside. 
   They heard water running to the right; a shower, perhaps. 
Besides that, no one seemed to be around. But the bedroom door 
was closed. 
   "You think she's in there?" Scully whispered, nudging Mulder.
   They heard another despicable moan that answered the 
question for itself.
   "I'm going through," Mulder answered, running at the door 
and hitting it full force. It didn't even hurt him, the wood 
was so cheap and rotted out, Scully observed with a smile.
   They found Diana lying on her bed, the 'pede on her lap, 
her hand clutching something unidentifiable but small.
   "Diana!!!! What have you done with my 'pede?" Mulder 
shrieked.
   Diana smirked, stroking the head of the 'pede. "Oh, it was 
wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby 
cats. Isn't that right, 'Pede?"
   "Shut up, shithead," Scully snapped. "Hand over the 'pede 
and I just may let your bitch ass live."
   Mulder was impressed at Scully's take-charge attitude. He 
decided he would have to see if she would be that way in bed 
that night as well.
   Diana stared at Scully, her fingers opening over her palm 
to reveal a handful of Viagra, her other hand lifting the 
'pede's head up. "Who's the next lucky stiff, Scully?"
   Mulder screamed. "Diana!! That'll kill it!! Don't you dare!"
   Diana, a smug look on her face, rolled the pills around in 
her hand. "Something you should have thought of, Fox, with 
that little...problem of yours."
   "I've never had a problem, Diana!" Mulder retorted angrily, 
glancing over at Scully. Scully raised her eyebrows and 
refused to comment.
   "You certainly did when I was around."
   "Because you were so damned ugly that I couldn't get a 
hard-on!"
   Diana's smug glare turned into a deathly witch stare. "And 
your 'pede never will again..."
   She yanked open the 'pede's mouth and stuffed a pill inside. 
It was huge and the 'pede's opening was not very big; the 'pede, 
exhausted, made a small squealing sound.
   Scully's glare darted to Mulder, who looked as if he were 
going to faint, and then back to Diana. She bit her lip and ran, 
lunging onto the bed, toppling on Diana and smacking her head 
against the headboard.
   Diana let go of the 'pede as she screamed, and the 'pede 
slipped off the edge of the bed, stiffening.
   "You bitch," Scully growled, grabbing Diana's head and smashing 
it against the headboard again. Scully slapped her across the 
face, back and forth, again and again as Diana's head began to 
lull to the side, while she vacantly stared into space. 
"Bitch!! Die!!! You stupid slutty whore of a-"
   "SCULLY!!!" Mulder yelled, running over and grabbing her 
hand, which was red from slapping Diana. "Stop, Scully, stop."
   She slapped Diana hard with her other hand, and Mulder 
grabbed that too, dragging Scully off of the bed. She kicked 
Diana several times as her legs were dragged over her body. 
"Bitch!! Bitch!!!" Scully shouted. "Let me slap her around 
just a little more!! Mulder!!"
   "She's...she's unconscious, Scully, I mean, damn girl, 
what else do you want?"
   "I want her to DIE!!" She writhed in his arms.
   Mulder held Scully as she shook violently. "Take deep 
breaths...come on now..."
   Scully took a deep breath, resting her head on his chest. 
"Okay...okay."
   Mulder put his lips on the top of her head. "Are you okay now?"
   "Yeah...just...Mulder, promise me you'll never let her 
touch your 'pede again." Scully looked up into his eyes.
   "Scully, you're the only one I want touching my 'pede. 
Ever," he replied softly, kissing her.
   Scully kissed him back with one eye on Diana, who was drooling 
blood and saliva on the pillow as she watched them hollowly.
   "Shit, Mulder..."
   "Mmmm?" he murmured, running his hands over her waist.
   "The 'pede, dammit! Where did it go??"
   Mulder jumped away from Scully and looked around the room. 
"Ohhhhhhhh fu-"
   His inevitable cursing was cut short by a shriek from the 
next room. They ran in there quickly, finding Cheatin' Bastard 
on the floor with the 'pede knawing away at his neck. Blood 
spurted from his jugular.
   "Damn it, 'pede," Mulder groaned, walking over and picking 
the 'pede up. Scully bent down, feeling Cheatin' Bastard's neck, 
and found he had no pulse.
   "He's dead, Mulder." Scully stood up and looked at Mulder. He 
was cradling the 'pede, kissing the top of its head. The 'pede, 
still a little stiff from the Viagra, moved slightly and Mulder 
sighed, running his palm over the 'pede and feeling a tingle of 
anticipation. Scully smiled, watching him stroke it.
   "I don't care. I have my 'pede, and it didn't even get cut or 
bruised or anything," he said softly, squeezing the middle of 
the 'pede and moaning softly at the 'pede's arousal, from its 
state of sleep.
   "Mulder, whoever taught you how to squeeze a 'pede?" Scully 
asked, walking over and running her hand down it. Mulder breathed 
out softly, letting her put her hands around it and rub slowly 
up and down.
   "I taught myself," he answered, "but you do a much better job."